The Shadow of Uther Pendragon
by azelmajondrette
Summary: In the events following the visitation of Uther's spirit, Arthur's own spirits are low. He struggles with the thought that his father was a purely evil man, and the conviction that he was eats away at Arthur. To the king's surprise, it is his servant who proves his fears otherwise.


"I'm done polishing your weapons, sire." Merlin announced as he pushed his way into Arthur's chambers, again not knocking. The king was sitting in his chair, his head cast towards the ground.

"You didn't knock, Merlin." The king whispered. Merlin let out a small laugh.

"When do I ever?"

"Perhaps that is a bit of a problem." Arthur said with a growl. "You should know to better respect your king." Merlin tilted his head, confusion ebbing at his brain. Arthur still looked down, hiding his features, and therefore expression, from the warlock.

"Arthur, is something wrong?" He asked.

"Leave me alone." Arthur answered in a small voice. As quiet as he was, Merlin could not help but notice that there was a hint of huskiness in the man's voice- as if he had been angry, or perhaps sorrowful.

"Arthur-" The king clenched the arms of his chair so tight that his fingers were practically digging into the wood and he let out an angry hiss.

"Do as you're told." He ordered. Merlin considered this option for a moment before shaking his head thoughtfully.

"I'm not really one to do as I'm told, sire. Haven't you learned that by now?" Arthur's head shot up at this, rage flickering in his eyes.

"LEAVE ME!" He roared. Shocked, Merlin stumbled backwards. He shot his arm out and grabbed onto the table for balance. There was something hiding beneath the anger in Arthur's eyes, and a tear pushed passed his lids. Flame and water played games in the king's eyes, a dangerous combination. Merlin bit down on his lip, a grotesque feeling dancing inside his gut. Arthur's anger was merely a ploy to hide whatever sadness currently ate away at him. It was rare for Merlin to see the king cry, and in a way it made him feel uncomfortable as well as empathetic.

"What is wrong, Arthur?" Merlin asked softly. He made his way to his friend's chair and kneeled beside him so that his eyes leveled with Arthur's. The king tried to glare angrily at the servant, but his composure had already been broken. Tears now ran freely down his cheeks, and his attempts to blink them back only made them worse. Merlin sucked in his cheeks and took a quiet breath. "You know you can tell me, Arthur. I have never been one to judge you, and never will be. I may be just a servant, but I know well how to listen." Arthur swallowed. He licked at his chapped lips, while gauging whether he truly could trust his emotions with Merlin. Finally, he spoke.

"My father." He choked. Merlin nodded in sympathy. Of course. It hadn't even been two weeks since the adventure with the horn, and the experience still bothered Merlin. For Arthur it could only have been several times worse. Arthur bit down on the inside of his cheek before continuing. "I have always known that he did some things that were not right. At times I turned a blind eye, other times I did not. My father's rule often bordered on the edge of cruelty, but- but the spirit of my father who escaped, he didn't seem to be merely cruel. He- he seemed evil. My father, Merlin." Arthur's voice hitched. His jaw began to quiver, yet still he plowed on. "He wanted to kill me, Merlin, I could swear it. My own father wished me dead…." By this point the king could no longer speak. The emotional buildup was too much now, and Arthur sat shaking. He could be heard muttering beneath his breath that it was his fault. Merlin's tongue ran over his teeth, and he said something then that he never before had thought would cross his lips.

"I would not be lying if I said that I agreed with your father's way of ruling." The servant admitted. "I _would_, however, be lying if I said that I thought your father to be pure evil, or a creature of hate." Arthur frowned.

"But-"

"Listen, Arthur!" Merlin interrupted. The king obeyed. "I cannot say for sure, but I believe that perhaps that spirit was not wholly your father, but merely a shadow of what he once was. He was not purely Uther Pendragon, not the man I spoke to."

"What makes you say that?" In Arthur's eyes there was already an inkling of hope, ready to believe whatever good that he could salvage regarding his father. Merlin forced a smile, and hoped that Arthur would not see through it.

"Do you remember years ago when the black knight came because of Nimueh? The wraith? He could not be killed by a mortal weapon, and whoever faced him was sure to die." Arthur nodded.

"I do."

"You were going to fight the wraith, and death was certain. Your father wouldn't have that. He had you put to sleep and went to battle in your place, believing with everything he had that he was about to die. But he would do it for you, and with you he would entrust his kingdom." Arthur blinked. A shadow of a smile crossed over his features, yet it was not yet strong enough to mask his sorrows.

"Yes, I remember."

"Also, when the witchfinder came. It was wrong of your father to let Aredian take Gaius, and to be honest, I wanted to kill him in that moment. But I can admit that afterwards, at least your father had the decency to apologize to Gaius. Were he completely evil he would not have done such to a mere physician. Perhaps he would have even let him die."

"Morgana, too. When she betrayed Camelot, your father did not fill his day with hate and a need with revenge as he could have. He did not order her death or go on killing sprees. Instead, it destroyed him, it broke him. In order to be so completely devastated by a betrayal, you must have loved and cared in the first place."

"As I said Arthur, there were many times when your father angered me, or when he killed innocent souls because of a mistake that was his and no one elses. But what your father was not was evil, and above all else, he cared for you. He _died_ saving you. Do not tell me that the same man who was your father was that spirit. Do not tell me that your father would risk so much out of love for you only to try and take your life in the end. Uther was many things, but he was not that." Merlin finished, and leaned back so that he was sitting completely crosslegged. He stared up at Arthur, hoping that sincerity shone through his features. In a way, he had indeed told the truth. Uther Pendragon did know how to love, however selectively and hypocritically he did so. Merlin did not like him, but he knew that.

Arthur was gazing at Merlin with a certain degree of reverence and awe. He lips were slightly parted as if he was going to speak but changed his mind. His eyes grew wide and then blinked, once, twice. Then, he smiled. He gave a silent laugh that made his chest laugh in relief.

"Merlin." He said with gratitude. "At times you amaze me." Merlin grinned and gave his shoulders a shrug.

"I have my days." Arthur pursed his lips and cast his eyes upward in a mocking matter.

"I wouldn't say _days_, per say. Moments, perhaps, and very rare ones at that." Merlin pulled a frown and Arthur's expression again became serious. He rose from his seat and clapped Merlin on his arm.

"You're a good friend." He said. "A good friend, and a true one." The two men shared a gaze for a moment before Arthur broke it off. He rolled his shoulders back and stretched his arms in front of him.

"Now, Merlin, what say you to a hunt? Just the two of us I think."

"I say that I hate hunting, and why don't we do something different?" He answered quite honestly. Arthur laughed, now practically beaming, and he made his way towards the wardrobe. From it he pulled his hunting jacket.

"Right, just as I thought. Prepare the horses and we'll be off in half an hour." Merlin heaved a sigh.

"Prat."

"Idiot

"Clotpole." Finished with his jacket, Arthur shut the wardrobe door. He motioned with his hand for Merlin to hurry up, and with a string of half hearted complaints, the servant stalked out of the room. As he shoved shut the door to the chambers, he almost thought that he heard Arthur call one more thing after him.

"Friend."

Merlin smiled. Quite right, too.

**Author's note: I do not own Merlin or it's characters. I do, however, own the right to use terribly cheesy endings in my stories. I wrote this because I'm sick and don't really have anything else to do. To be honest, I don't think that anyone is going to like this story, as many fans hate Uther. I, on the other hand, for some reason liked him. Yes he was a cruel murderous hypocrite, but I liked him regardless. Maybe it was Anthony Head's charisma? Because every time Uther did something bad I was upset because I expected more from that guy. So when The Death Song of Uther Pendragon came around in season 5, I honestly thought that Uther was out of character. It just didn't seem right that he was suddenly so evil, and so intent on harming Arthur. So, yes. I understand if everyone else hates this story though. If you don't though, please review and fav! :-)**


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